In my convalescence, I have made some progress pinning down my myth. I've settled on seven voices, and right now I have ten sections, (but I'm not so happy with all of them and so not ready to re-post the whole thing). I know all of their names (based on mythical/historical records of which Amazons were present at that battle), and their roles, both in the Amazon nation and in this particular battle, the Attic war. I know who dies and who survives, and that one voice is a ghost before the battle begins. Now I'd like to introduce you all to Antiope, the kidnapped (?) sister of queen Hippolyta. By the time the Amazons attack Athens to get her back, she has given birth to Theseus' son, Hippolytus, but the Amazons don't know this, or that when she left with Theseus for Athens it was not entirely against her will.
Antiope
I found a road that walks me to the sea,
and no one stops me. They know
my shame will keep me
from running.
I find a high rock to stare from—my heart
beats “distance, distance”, out
over the uninterruptible,
hushing waves.
But the nearer waters are so clear. How
can the water bear it? To be seen
straight through to rock,
to every alga?
4 comments:
Let me be the first to say: I love this. The form is beautiful, the enjambments are thoughtful, the meaning is not obvious but available, the diction is wonderful. It seems a mature entity. Show more.
I enjoyed this as well, especially the second stanza. I'm fond of mythology, so I'm interested to see how this project shapes up.
My only note: the repetition of "me/my" in each line of the first stanza caught my ear in a distracting way. Perhaps rephrase "no one stops me?"
Just for the record, I disagree with Marianna. The repetition of me/my in the first stanza, along with the cloying rhyme of me/sea/me, conveys for me the sense of being bound up in oneself that is gradually dissolved/solved (almost to a painful degree) in the second two stanzas looking at the sea.
Elizabeth, I still want more. And I haven't forgotten but I've been meaning to send you some Dreamsongs.
are you all really ok with me using the word "alga"? does that work as an image?
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