The ever-present calculation, am I going to die today?
to which is added, for the first time in years, the smell of skunk.
I thought they were extinct already in these parts, or nearly.
The inundating wave of gratefulness.
For us, the skyline cast like jewels along the river.
The audience stands in the aisles of the local bus
as it wends its way though West New York, the last bus of the night,
what luck, for us and only for us.
I do not know how I come to my emotions.
Between moments of nuzzling his bundled hija’s face
a man is unreeling ropes of words I climb to laughter although
I am sure I do not speak the language of this complicated joke.
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3 comments:
what i love in this: the first two lines together, and the final line.
the third and fourth lines seem unnecessarily explanatory, though something is needed here before we get on the bus.
i like that the people on the bus are an audience, but i am not sure to what--i assume the skyline, but jewels do not require an audience so i am a little confused. but as i write this now, i realize that i also love from "the audience" to the end of this stanza, but would change the end to "what luck, for us and only us".
i also love the simple honest statement, "i do not know how i come to my emotions" but would like to feel it more connected with the strangeness of feeling that the people on the bus make up an audience to something, and to the motion of bus travel in general.
i like, but can't quite grasp the final image, but, again, really love the last line.
I like the first and last lines of the first stanza, but the skunk seems incongruous in between. (Something is necessary there, I will admit.)
I think the flow of the second stanza might be better with a quick repetition:
The audience stands in the aisles of the local bus,
the last bus of the night, as it wends its way though West New York,
what luck, for us and only (for) us.
I agree with Elizabeth that I don't quite grasp the last image, though I like the sound of it. (What is a hija? what is the speaker's relation to the man in question--another bus passenger, I presume?)
I like the image in the last stanza--I imagine a man talking to his daughter in Spanish and you listening on--I like the "rope" of words because it replaces "string" in a way that makes the words seem heavier and clumsier to you who doesn't understand them. I wouldn't change the last stanza.
I have to agree that the skunk perhaps has wandered into the wrong poem and he'll have a place somewhere else. Because I laugh at the inundating wave of gratefulness, I think he deserves a place somewhere.
I don't like the word "jewels" but I have no good reason for it.
I like the smack in the face of the first line and like it with the juxtaposition of the bus! (Is that terrible? But that's what I always think!)
I think you could do the first line, cut out or move the skyline and then go straight to The Audience.
Well I like it.
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